Sorry for the lateness of today’s post; I’ve been waiting for my Sympatico/MSN DVD column to go online, but obviously something’s holding it back this afternoon.

Instead, I’ll throw to another of the site’s columnists: Sean Francis Condon, who writes the surprisingly cheerful “Random Sampling of Things I Hate” column … and who, it turns out, has my back on the whole state-of-Canadian-film thing.

With the big party for Canada’s Top Ten just a couple of days away, and “Passchendaele” and “Blindness” set to hit DVD stores in the next couple of weeks, it seems like something people ought to read.

It’s 10 am on a Monday morning, I’m on deadline and apparently nothing at all has happened in the world except for the news that “Paul Blart, Mall Cop” defied expectations to remain atop the box office in its second weekend, and that just makes my nose bleed.

So I’m going to throw to the Onion AV Club’s weekly inventory, which this week is devoted to “fifteen great gearshift movies” — films that start out, either narratively or stylistically, as one thing, and then become something else.

Spoilers abound, obviously, so read with care. And somehow, “From Dusk Till Dawn” didn’t make the list, though there’s plenty of discussion about that in the comments.

Given the sad reality that “Underworld: Rise of the Lycans” seems set to dominate this weekend’s box-office — being the only new film opening wide enough to register — we figured my latest Sympatico/MSN gallery should take a look at recent female action heroines.

The “hottest” designation was an editorial decision, mind you. And please note that neither Kate Beckinsale nor Rhona Mitra ultimately made the cut.

Also, here’s my NOW review of the “Underworld” threequel. It ain’t pretty, but then neither is the movie.

Hey, have you seen “Slumdog Millionaire” yet? Perhaps you’d like to go see that today — like, right now — the better to inflate its numbers and nudge “Underworld” out of the #1 spot? That’d be just swell of you.

Worried that I wasn’t making too much noise about the Oscars? Worry no more, folks; here’s my online assessment of this year’s nominations over at NOW, and you can follow that up by listening to our Oscar Podcast, in which I debate the Academy’s various good and bad deeds with Susan, Barrett and Glenn.

Just remember, these are industry awards, which means the rules are made up, the points don’t mean anything, and no one has to pretend that Clint Eastwood’s work was any good this year.

We’re still stuck with “The Reader”, but you can’t have everything.

This week’s announcement of the Oscar nominations means Hollywood is less interested in opening new movies than in expanding the runs of the nominees, and films expected to be nominated. Thus, “The Dark Knight” returns to IMAX venues, and “Slumdog Millionaire” becomes inescapable. And as for the extra screens for “Revolutionary Road” and “Rachel Getting Married” … well, oops.

If I were you, and I lived in Toronto, I’d hie me down to the Cinematheque and check out the Terence Davies retrospective that’s starting tonight, framed around a limited run of his excellent documentary “Of Time and the City”. I cover it all at length in this week’s NOW. (Have I mentioned how much I love having a job that lets me spend 600 words discussing the films of Terence Davies? Because I do, I really do.)

And there’s new stuff, too:

“Examined Life”: Consisting of seven monologues (and one conversation) from nine philosophers, social theorists and political scientists, Astra Taylor’s DV feature is a cross between a documentary and a symposium — uneven and long-winded, but when it hits on a good idea, it’s mesmerizing. And she shot most of it in my favorite parts of New York, so points for that. Jason and Susan felt about the same way.

“Inkheart”: Brendan Fraser does the fantasy thing again as a family man cursed with the power to … bring whatever he reads aloud to life? Wait, that can’t be right. Can it? It sounds awfully weird. Apparently it’s based on a children’s book. Anyway, Andrew liked it.

“Underworld: Rise of the Lycans”: Neither director Len Wiseman nor slinky star Kate Beckinsale could be coaxed back for this third go-round, but that’s okay: It’s a prequel, so they can concentrate on the backstory between Bill Nighy and Michael Sheen! No press screenings, so I’m catching it this afternoon.

“Welcome to the Sticks”: Dany Boon’s city-souris/country-souris comedy is apparently the most successful French film ever … though Barrett found it to be a the kind of cultural work that doesn’t really translate.

That’s plenty for today; check back tomorrow for more on the Oscars, if you can stand it!

Is it that time already? The Academy announces the Oscar nominations this morning, and as that’s happening I’ll be on my way to the CTV Newsnet studios for a 9:15 am hit.

Now, they specifically said this was going to be a pre-tape, so I’m not sure when it will actually air, but if you keep your TV tuned to Rogers Cable 62 for, oh, the rest of the day, you’re bound to see it.

I’ll try to have something coherent to say.

UPDATE: Clip’s posted! Check it out!

Also, for all the Paul & Storm fans out there: Go, “Slumdog”, go! You my friend!

You know how sometimes the stars line up just right? Here’s a great example: Weeks ago, the Fox Beaches theater booked an early ’80s double-bill for tomorrow night, presumably as counter-programming for the coverage of Barack Obama’s inauguration.

And now, it’s suddenly relevant: The first feature is “Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan”, offering us a chance to appreciate one of the recently departed Ricardo Montalban’s finest performances on a big screen.

I’m not kidding. It’s great work, and the movie around it is pretty solid, too.

Okay, the chest is a big much. And maybe the wig. But even so.

Well, it’s January; it’s not like the best movies are slugging it out for the top slot.

The weekend’s numbers are in, and Kevin James’ “Paul Blart, Mall Cop” has placed first with an estimated $33.8 million gross, knocking Clint Eastwood’s still-chugging “Gran Torino” down to second and, like, totally facing “My Bloody Valentine 3D”, “Notorious” and “Hotel for Dogs”.

You wanna know something weird? This is the first weekend I can remember where I’ve seen none of the big new releases — and I can’t say I regret it. January movies tend to blow goats, as a rule, and it’s actually quite marvelous that, for the first time in a decade, I don’t have to kill myself racing from one screening to the next to catch absolutely everything that’s opening in a packed week.

I mean, I’m not being derelict in my duties here. I caught four of the nine films that opened this week; it just so happened that none of them placed at the box-office. I’ll inevitably catch up to the rest on disc, and I might even break down and see “My Bloody Valentine” theatrically, just to check on the ongoing evolution of digital 3D.

But I don’t have to. That’s the beauty of it.

With “Notorious” opening this weekend, it seemed sensible to devote this week’s Sympatico/MSN movie gallery to other musical biopics …

… right up until I realized how many there were. Had to boil it down to eight. Lost “Bound for Glory” at the very last second.

I just hope Billy Bragg can find it in his heart to forgive me. I’ll buy him a cup of tea the next time he’s in town, honest!

Let’s see — celebrity deaths in Los Angeles, a plane making a water landing in the Hudson River, and now a power outage paralyzing half of Toronto.

Intellectually, I know I can’t blame George W. Bush for any of those things, and yet, after his farewell address last night … well, I really want to.

Aaaanyway. Bush may be on his way out, but it’s Friday, so plenty of movies are on their way in! (I love segues, don’t you?) And here they are:

“Chandni Chowk to China”: The first Bollywood film co-produced by Warner is, as far as I can tell, an Indian spin on Stephen Chow’s “Kung Fu Hustle”. But hey, Chow’s film made boatloads of money, so maybe that’s exactly what they were going for.

“The Class“: Laurent Cantet’s terrific fly-on-the-wall drama about a dedicated high-school teacher (Francois Begaudeau, whose performance gets even better when you learn more about him) and his pupils won the Palme d’Or at Cannes; now, finally, Toronto audiences get to see what all the fuss is about.

“Defiance”: Ed Zwick finds a way to put a happy face on the Holocaust with the true(ish) story of the Bielski partisans, brothers who saved more than a thousand Jews from Nazi collaborators by taking them to safe refuge in the forests of Belarus. It’s well-intentioned, and Daniel Craig and Liev Schreiber are as solid as always, but this is an Ed Zwick film, which means it can’t stop reminding you of its own importance. Jason and Susan have my back on this.

“Hotel for Dogs”: Starring Oscar nominee Don Cheadle! Oh, and some dogs.

“Last Chance Harvey”: Dustin Hoffman and Emma Thompson, who found such lovely chemistry in “Stranger Than Fiction”, find it again in Joel Hopkins’ pleasant little trifle about a pair of sad sacks striking sparks over a weekend in London. It’s not great cinema or anything, but on its own modest terms, it works just fine. Barrett was slightly less enthralled, though.

“My Bloody Valentine 3D”: Hey, it’s another remake of a vaguely remembered ’80s horror property! And this one’s in 3D! So, it’ll be like totally scary and awesome and like a ride and everything and if you see the movie your date might jump into your lap! And they, um, didn’t screen it for the press.

“Notorious”: Christopher Wallace, aka Biggie Smalls, aka the Notorious B.I.G., gets his biopic moment thanks to “Soul Food” director George Tillman, Jr. and newcomer Jamal Woolard. Rad is unimpressed.

“Paul Blart, Mall Cop”: Kevin James is in your mall, guarding your food court. Don’t. Just … just don’t.

“Rumba“: The latest exercise in chipper, rubber-limbed pantomime from the Belgium-based trio of Dominique Abel, Fiona Gordon and Bruno Romy — who made the little-seen, very clever “L’Iceberg” a couple of years back — finds room for elaborate dance numbers, amputee pratfalls, an incompetent suicide and a house on fire. It’s a comedy.

Right, that’s plenty. Oh, and “Synecdoche, New York” is playing at the Bloor all weekend, so if you missed it in first run you should really catch up to it. Assuming they get their power back, of course.