This is Cinemageddon

I'm staying right here until that Duffy guy fecks offNever mind the internal and external disastergasms of “Antichrist” and “2012” — Tucker Max and Troy Duffy have movies opening on the same day. And really, that’s enough to make anyone head for the hills.

“Antichrist”: Lars Von Trier pits Willem Dafoe and Charlotte Gainsbourg against nature, each other and at least one talking fox. Still haven’t seen it. Kinda scared to, actually. Glenn and Jason say it’s pretty potent stuff, though.

The Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day“: A decade later, Troy Duffy returns to his inexplicably beloved cult hit and coughs up a sequel that does its best to be just as loud, bloody and stupid as its predecessor, just with everyone looking older and really tired.

“The Horse Boy”: Michael O. Scott’s documentary about parents who find an unusual treatment for their autistic son was an audience hit at Hot Docs earlier this year, where it screened under the title “Over the Hills and Far Away”; I’m still trying to catch up to it. But Susan likes it.

“I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell”: Best-selling author Tucker Max brings his tales of alpha-male ribaldry to the screen. Let’s see how it fares against the “Boondock Saints” sequel, as it’s basically going after the same audience — and is just as awful, according to Rad.

Love and Savagery“: John N. Smith, director of “The Boys of St. Vincent” and “Dangerous Minds”, appears to have assembled this period piece — about a thorny flirtation between a Canadian amateur geologist and an Irish barmaid in 1969 County Clare — from his trailer. Everything about it feels lazy and rote — except for the cinematography, which is really quite nice.

Pirate Radio“: Watching Richard Curtis’ swinging Sixties comedy about the ca-raaazy folk who brought rock ‘n roll to the British airwaves is like listening to an aging, bleary-eyed hippie talk about the good old days … for two straight hours. Wait for the DVD, and then feast on Bill Nighy’s scenes.

Prom Night in Mississippi“: No disrespect to Morgan Freeman, but Paul Saltzman’s documentary is only peripherally about the actor’s efforts to integrate the high-school formal in his hometown of Charleston; the movie’s really interested in examining the fabric of racism in America, and the ways in which a new generation may finally be able to move beyond it.

2012“: Roland Emmerich rebounds from the stone-faced idiocy of “10,000 B.C.” with another epic end-of-the-world movie. It’s dumb and derivative, but it’s still surprisingly entertaining, what with all the running from explosions and staring at monitors and shouting “Go! Go! Go!” And yes, that’s Tom McCarthy, director of the excellent dramas “The Station Agent” and “The Visitor”, as Amanda Peet’s boyfriend.

Right, there you go. And if you don’t feel like going out this weekend, stay in with the Onion AV Club’s argument-starting Best of the Decade lists — this week, it’s all about television, and their choices will have you dragging out every boxed set you own.

3 thoughts on “This is Cinemageddon”

  1. Antichrist is about as deep as a Eurythmics video with naughty bits and some torture porn. I kept waiting for Annie Lennox to wander across the meadow with those frakin’ cows.

  2. Re: Boondock Saints being “inexplicably beloved.” The movie is absolutely idiotic and objectively awful, but it’s hilariously idiotic and awful. Willem Dafoe in drag, Ron Jeremy as a Mafioso, that we-saw-Pulp-Fiction-and-want-to-copy-that-car-scene-but-with-a-cat-instead scene. Oh, I treasure it, I really do. I laughed from start to finish, and that’s more entertainment than most “good” movies can provide.

    Haven’t seen the sequel. Don’t plan to rush out or anything. I can’t imagine that this particular form of lightning can strike twice.

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