The Longest Weekend

No, James, I will not do the sequelThe Labour Day weekend is the slowest box-office weekend of the year. This is why movies released on the Friday before Labour Day tend to suck. They’re studio orphans; movies that have played the cost-benefit analysis game, and lost.

This year, we’re all losers.

Death Sentence“: After “Saw” and “Dead Silence”, James Wan really needed to make a good movie; instead, he wastes Kevin Bacon’s compelling performance in this very stupid attempt to reinvent “Death Wish” for the 21st century. Oh, and “Taxi Driver”, too, because there’s a mohawk. A total waste of time.

Greg & Gentillon“: The titular stand-up duo are characters played by a couple of actors, who wander around Toronto trying to land their big break while a documentary camera records their interactions with unsuspecting regular people. Except neither their act nor the movie is funny. There is only one Andy Kaufman allowed per generation, and I’m pretty sure ours is Neil Hamburger.

“Halloween”: They screened this at the very last minute, so my Metro review won’t run until Tuesday. I’ll just say this: Rob Zombie is absolutely the last person who should take a run at John Carpenter’s slasher classic, because he clearly has no idea why people love it, and why it still works. He sure does like killing him some nekkid girls, though.

Lady Chatterley“: This is the exception that proves the Labour Day rule; it’s not a studio picture, but a limited release from a small Canadian distributor that couldn’t get a screen last week, and had to wait until one opened up today. It is a very good film. I would advise you see it, just to ease yourself into the TIFF frame of watching long movies with subtitles. Because next week, that’s all we’re gonna be doing.