Writing a coherent review of Rob Zombie’s “Halloween” has turned out to be harder than I thought — the movie has already evaporated into a kind of white noise of offense and disgust working its way through my mind.

At the moment, the best I can offer you is my latest Sympatico/MSN movie column, which looks at all three nine films in the “Halloween” series … but all that really did was make me remember that the only truly good movie in the franchise was John Carpenter’s original — which wasn’t just good, but great.

So great, in fact, that the only thing Rob Zombie could do was screw it up royally. Which he did.

Way to go, Zombie.