So the MPAA has brought the heroic DVD-sniffing dogs, Lucky and Flo, to stalk evil bootleggers in Manhattan, and the New York Times was there to take some pictures and basically reprint the press release.

The key quote, however, comes all the way at the bottom of the piece:

“They can’t distinguish between pirated and nonpirated DVDs,” said Mr. Glickman, who owns a 3 1/2-year-old beagle named Sammy. “I’d love if we could do that, but we’re not there yet.”

Oh, come on. Come. On.

Look, I understand that the appearance of vigilance is far more important than actual vigilance; it’s like the TSA’s ridiculous liquid restrictions, which make getting on a plane just as hard for a normal person as it does for a Dirty Scheming Terrorist, despite the likelihood that said Dirty Scheming Terrorists have long since abandoned their plans for gel-bombings and moved on to some other fiendish and equally imaginary plot.

(Aside: I honestly believe that by this time next year, any Democrat or Republican who made disbanding the TSA a fundamental part of his or her campaign platform would win the White House in a walk.)

But this is what it boils down to: We want you to believe that these dogs are able to sniff out the counterfeit DVDs that we claim are killing the industry, and we’ll show you a lot of impounded product that seems to support that claim, but as far as the reality of it?

“We’re not there yet.”

So where the hell are we, besides the theater of the absurd?

Well, at least the dogs got a walk out of it. I hope one of them remembered to piddle on the Fox van.