First things first: John Hughes died. There’s a quick appraisal up at the NOW site, if you’re curious.

Otherwise, we’re back to the grind: So many movies opening today that the mind boggles at the thought of sitting through them. Fortunately, I no longer have to try …

“Adam”: After “Evening”, “The Jane Austen Book Club” and “Confessions of a Shopaholic” failed to launch him as a Hollywood leading man, Hugh Dancy shoots the works as a lovelorn Asperger’s sufferer in Max Mayer’s quirky romantic comedy. Rad found it wanting; frankly, they lost me at the trailer.

“Burma VJ: Reporting from a Closed Country“: Anders Ostergaard’s documentary takes us inside the Burmese monk protests of September 2007, and reminds us that citizen journalism is a totally valid form of non-violent resistance.

“Cold Souls“: Sophie Berger appears to think the Charlie Kaufman formula is as simple as (character actor) + (metaphysical absurdity) x (ironic distance). But even Kaufman’s transcended that. Still, anything that gives Paul Giamatti screen time isn’t totally pointless.

“The Cove“: If you were getting all big-headed about the nobility of the human race, director Louie Psihoyos offers incontrovertible evidence that we kinda suck. This may be the most important documentary of the year; it’s certainly the most effective.

(Side note: I met Psihoyos and his principal subject, cetacean activist Ric O’Barry, earlier this week; that interview can be found here.)

“Flame and Citron“: The true story of a pair of Resistance fighters dealing out bloody retribution to collaborators in Nazi-occupied Denmark, Ole Christian Madsen’s slick WWII thriller arrives just as anticipation begins to build for that other behind-enemy-lines actioner, “Inglourious Basterds”. Nice work, schedulers!

“G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra”: Your guess is as good as mine. I’m seeing it this afternoon, and still hoping for the best.

“Julie & Julia”: Hard-won experience has taught me to avoid the films of Nora Ephron, but I think I’ll have to make an exception for this one, since it’s an adaptation of Julie Powell’s fine memoir about cooking her way through Julia Child’s “Mastering the Art of French Cooking”. Susan offers her tacit approval.

“Paper Heart”: Is Charlyne Yi’s first-person inquiry into the mysteries of love a documentary, a put-on, or some mixture of both? I dunno, but the word “twee” keeps coming up in various reviews, so I think I can comfortably wait for the DVD.

“A Perfect Getaway”: Before he got all mad-with-power on “The Chronicles of Riddick”, David Twohy was a reliable maker of modestly budgeted, idea-heavy thrillers as “The Grand Tour”, “The Arrival”, “Below” and “Pitch Black”. Based on Adam and Andrew‘s reviews, this may mark his return to form; missed the press screening, can’t wait to see it.

“Thirst“: As a great man once said: “My, my my. What. A. Mess.” Fond as I am of Park Chan-wook’s magnificent vengeance trilogy, his new vampire-noir romance is just plain crazy. Sorry.

And now, I must dash out to the day’s first screening of “G.I. Joe”. I’m a little nervous about running into fans in costume, but I figure they’ll be cool with it …besides, how often does one get to dress like a ninja? A military ninja, mind you?

Really, the answer’s in the question.

UPDATE: Didn’t suck. Here’s the review.

No, I have not yet seen “G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra”. But it’s not because I don’t want to; Stephen Sommers delivered two of my very favorite goofball genre movies, “Deep Rising” and “The Mummy”, and I’m really hoping he can recapture the mojo that eluded him in the last reel of “The Mummy Returns” (and, um, the entirety of “Van Helsing”) this time around.

My good will ain’t good enough for Paramount, which has declined to screen the film for critics … because, they claim, it’s just too much fun, and we won’t appreciate it.

Funny how that didn’t stop them from screening “Iron Man” or “Star Trek”, and then actively soliciting blurbs for those movies. Maybe this is a different kind of fun, like Michael Bay fun — a fun best kept to those under the age of fifteen, like doing Whippets and stealing your dad’s Jeep for a joyride.

I truly hope not. The world needs a live-action “Team America”, and Stephen Sommers is just the guy to make it …

Variety reports that Steven Spielberg has chosen his next project … and it’s a remake of “Harvey”. The one with Jimmy Stewart and the invisible rabbit. Shooting is set for the new year.

Spielberg being Spielberg, he’ll probably go with the safe choices and keep the story in its mid-century setting. And he’ll almost certainly cast this generation’s Mr. Everyman, Tom Hanks, as Elwood P. Dowd, the lovable drunk who doesn’t go anywhere without his hallucinatory sidekick.

I mean, you can imagine the pressure a less powerful filmmaker would get from the studio to update the material for the present day and bring down the character’s age so he’s more relatable to younger moviegoers. Maybe edge the story up a little by letting the audience wonder whether Elwood’s pervasive alcoholism and questionable mental state really are the best things for him.

Of course, then you’d have a totally different movie. But think of the cult possibilities …

Because as far as I can tell, “Aliens in the Attic” is a real movie and actually did open this weekend, my latest Sympatico/MSN movie gallery waxes nostalgic for the good old days when all you needed to save the world was a slingshot, a box of jacks and the purity of a child’s heart.

Don’t snicker! That could totally work!

July is giving way to August, and I can see the top of the rollercoaster just ahead; it won’t be long before the Toronto film festival completely takes over my life. But before we can get to that, we have to deal with a couple of very crowded weeks of releases — seriously, the 7th and the 14th are just insane with theatrical openings. I don’t know what the distributors are thinking, honestly.

Today, though, it’s positively placid out there, with only four films opening:

“Aliens in the Attic”: A bunch of kids are the world’s only hope when adorable CG aliens stage an invasion in their attic. Apparently one of the “High School Musical” cast is in this, so it will make money. No press screening, so no opening-day reviews. Darn.

“Fifty Dead Men Walking“: Kari Skogland’s IRA thriller is well-constructed, occasionally exciting, and utterly soulless. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t work, exactly, but it’s awfully hollow inside.

“Funny People”: Adam Sandler and Seth Rogen team up for Judd Apatow’s latest directorial effort, which is apparently a little more serious than “The 40-Year-Old Virgin” and “Knocked Up”. (It’s also two and a half hours long.) My hosting duties at Harbourfront prevented me from making the press screening; Rad and Adam were there, and their responses were mixed.

“Shrink“: Here’s a sentence I never thought I’d write: Jonas Pate’s twinkly multicharacter story of sad sacks in Los Angeles is watchable and well-assembled, buoyed by strong performances from Kevin Spacey and Robin Williams. Never lose your capacity to be surprised, kids.

And that’s the week in movies. I must now dive into next week’s deadlines — because there are a lot of them, and the clock is ticking.

If you pick up this week’s NOW, you’ll notice the film section is very, very small. Can’t be helped; there are only four movies opening tomorrow, and only two of them were screened before we went to press. Such is the way of the weekly.

I tried to fill the gap by talking to Kari Skogland, director of “Fifty Dead Men Walking” … but that got kind of weird. You’ll want to check out the audio clips, too.

A press release showed up this morning informing me that the third “Chronicles of Narnia” movie, “The Voyage of the Dawn Treader”, has started shooting in Australia under the direction of Michael Apted.

Now, given how terribly misconceived last year’s “Prince Caspian” was, and how poorly Apted handled the James Bond franchise when he made “The World is Not Enough”, I am not exactly over the moon here. Then again, one could argue that the Bond films were already crippled by their own formula by the time “World” came along, so … ah, hell, I like Michael Apted, so whatever he has to do to make the next “Up” movie is fine by me.

But the real beloved-cult-novel news of the day is the announcement that a new version of Robert C. O’Brien’s “Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIMH” is in development at Paramount. The director is Neil Burger, who hasn’t exactly impressed me with “The Illusionist” or “The Lucky Ones”, but the book is strong, so I’m hoping for something that’s at least competent.

Yup, that’s me. Pre-emptively judgmental all the way down …

Well, that was a short honeymoon — “Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince” got socked in the mouth in its second weekend by a 3D movie about secret-agent rodents.

The AP reports that “G-Force” took the top spot at the North American box office with a gross of $32.2 million, while “Half-Blood” made $30 million. (The fact that the Harry Potter movie runs an hour longer than the 88-minute “G-Force” surely factored in there somewhere.)

The Katherine Heigl-Gerard Butler romcom “The Ugly Truth” came in third with $27 million, a looooong way ahead of fourth-placer “Orphan”, which made just $12.8 million. I guess having the stupidest twist ever isn’t enough to conquer the world. But I bet it’ll do surprisingly well next weekend, as word-of-mouth turns it into the must-see comedy of the summer.

Scary kids are the focus of this week’s Sympatico/MSN gallery, because “Orphan” opened yesterday and … well … kids are terrifying. They keep sneaking off and doing stuff you don’t understand, with their twittering and their Face Books, they listen to that devil music, and they’re probably plotting to kill you the minute you deny them their Spaghetti-Os.

… yeah, it’s probably a good thing I don’t have children.I’d just stick ’em in a Skinner box with a bunch of Spongebob DVDs and check back in five years. At least they’d be secure.

That midsummer thing where distributors start throwing out movies they picked up over the last year of festivals? Well, we’re still in the thick of it, with films from Cannes, Toronto and Sundance popping up everywhere … as well as the usual hard-to-market studio stuff. Shall we get to it?

“The Beaches of Agnes“: In which director Agnes Varda flips through her life and career and modestly decides she’s had a good run. This is a lovely little memoir, and if you don’t go to see it you will be the smaller for it. There, I said it.

“G-Force”: People of the world, I ask you: How can any movie where Tracy Morgan voices a talking guinea pig be bad? How? Well, Rad has a theory.

“The Girl from Monaco”: Anne Fontaine’s latest trifle tracks the love triangle that develops between a lawyer (Fabrice Luchini), a pretty young thing (Louise Bourgoin) and the lawyer’s bodyguard (Roschdy Zem). But as Adam and Susan both observe, Fontaine’s not that great at keeping all her balls in the air.

“Humpday“: Two straight guys decide to have sex with each other in order to affirm the strength of their heterosexual bond. “It’s beyond gay.” It’s also a very funny comedy of manners (and mores) from Seattle director Lynn Shelton. Do check it out.

“Orphan”: Poor Vera Farmiga — first she and Sam Rockwell got stuck with “Joshua”, and now she and Peter Sarsgaard have to deal with a creepy little girl who may or may not be eeeeevil. (My money’s on “may”.) Andrew liked it, with reservations.

“Rocksteady: The Roots of Reggae”: It has the misfortune to open against one of the year’s best music movies (see below), but Stascha Bader’s exploration of the evolution of the reggae movement has its own merits, as Jason and Rad explain. Sadly, the film ends before it gets to the Lonely Island’s hotstepping “Ras Trent“.

“Soul Power“: Jeffrey Levy-Hinte brings Don King’s 1974 soul festival back to raucous, thrilling life in this amazing documentary. Throw down for James Brown! Get the shivers for Bill Withers! Um … take the elevata for Miriam Makeba! (Oh, just see the movie.)

“Surveillance“: David Lynch must love his daughter Jennifer very, very much if he’s still willing to let her steal shamelessly from his body of work after “Boxing Helena” … but all the love in the world can’t turn a hack into a visionary. Nice supporting work from French Stewart, though. He opens his eyes and everything!

“The Ugly Truth”: Katherine Heigl and Gerard Butler square off in this rom-com that dares to suggest that men and women view relationships from vastly different perspectives. Take a look at Todd McCarthy’s Variety review, which somehow manages to hold Heigl in absolute contempt without ever coming right out and saying it. Now, that’s a brilliant piece of writing.