A 34-year-old Wal-Mart worker was trampled to death yesterday morning as customers overran his store in search of 5 am “Black Friday” bargains.
Okay, we knew this was bound to happen eventually, what with the escalating stories about “those crazy consumers!!!” every year, and the whole clutching, grabbing mob thing that happens whenever people see the words “limited quantities” on a flyer.
It’s still obscene.
That’s all.
Well, there you have it: “Twilight” pulled in $70.6 million over the weekend, stomping both Disney’s “Bolt” and the Bond movie to declare itself a proper phenomenon.
As a result, Summit greenlit a sequel — oh, yippee — and we are now stuck with Catherine Hardwicke, Voice of Today’s Youth.
One thing I haven’t really seen in any of the frothing media coverage of the New! Hot! Thing! is an acknowledgment of the brilliant way Summit orchestrated the marketing campaign on what’s essentially a niche picture: Though Stephenie Meyers’ books are virtually unknown to anyone above the age of 17, Summit’s been percolating interest among the faithful all year, dribbling out stills and clips and posters with a steady stream of targeted media releases. I was sick of seeing the “New Twilight Image!” subject line in my inbox by, oh, April. Can’t say it didn’t pay off at the box-office, though.
Serious-minded media analysts are going to make a face, but “Twilight” is essentially following the same model as “The Passion of the Christ” — a small, independent production of a beloved text, marketed directly to the rabid fan base with little or no regard for people who aren’t part of the culture, explodes onto the scene with startling force. It’s all about getting the fundamentalists to the theater.
I also find it interesting the quality of the product is ultimately irrelevant. The people who want to see their favorite story told on a big screen get exactly what they want; it doesn’t matter if the execution is dull or hackneyed. (This is the lesson Hardwicke learned on “The Nativity Story”: Directorial incompetence doesn’t matter if you’re working with material people already cherish.)
So, yeah, “Twilight” is a tedious slog through teen-movie cliches with laughable performances and a ridiculous abstinence metaphor — hey, girls, chastity is teh awesome, but it has to be your boyfriend’s choice! — but it doesn’t matter. Edward + Bella 4-ever, right there on the screen!
Just wait until they get a little older and discover “Buffy” …
No sign yet of either my Sympatico/MSN DVD column or my FIPRESCI report from Vienna, but I didn’t want to leave you entirely linkless this morning … so here’s a news hit.
Remember Ron Paul, the renegade Republican presidential candidate who challenged his Establishment brethren during the primaries with his end-the-war platform and his refusal to pander to the base?
Yeah, well, turns out he’s kind of, y’know, crazy. Like, paranoid, conspiracist, New-World-Order crazy. And this was the guy with the grass-roots following.
There really is no hope for that party any more, is there?
So I quietly reveal my fascination with LOLcats last week, and suddenly they’re everywhere: “The Big Bang Theory” offered them a shout-out on last week’s episode, Salon.com ran what appears to be a serious essay about their sociological significance over the weekend, and the Onion AV Club has used the new “I Can Has Cheezburger?” book as the anchor in its weekly list of websites that became meatspace publications.
… oh, there’s a book. That explains everything.
Also, speaking of things that delight and intrigue me, the AV Club’s Jason Heller has posted what he believes to be the greatest cover song ever recorded. I respectfully disagree — it’s no Hendrix-does-Dylan or TMBG-does-Cub — but it did make me smile.
Carry on.
We all did, really.
Let’s hear it for the fake Americans who got out the vote, and for all the real Americans who woke up and realized the country needed to be saved from itself.
Oh, and: Bradley Effect, my ass. The country just turned around and told the world it’s going to smarten up and do better. Let’s get on with it.
Look, everyone knows where I stand by now. I’m just saying: Vote.
If you’re an American citizen, and you have a vote, use it. Even if you vote for the other guy. That’s not the point. In every election — Canadian or American — there are millions of eligible people who don’t vote. Out of exasperation, out of cynicism, out of laziness, out of idealism, whatever.
Those people are idiots. The only thing they’re doing is denying themselves a voice. Don’t be like that.
Come on. Vote. Take a stand.
It’s now or never.
Sad news: Studs Terkel has died.
Not that anyone should be terribly surprised by the death of a 96-year-old man — peacefully, in his home — but it’s sad that he won’t be around to see the results of Tuesday’s election, and to talk to people about it.
Talking to people was what he did better than almost anyone else, and then he took his tape recorder home and turned those conversations into a series of books, organized by subject.
Taken as a whole, those books constitute a comprehensive oral history of 20th-century America. Well, not history, exactly, as much as an ongoing conversation about what America was at that moment, and was on its way to becoming. If journalism is the first draft of history, Studs Terkel was its greatest draughtsman.
Come on, America. The world is waiting. Is this really your future leader?
Of course, they’re just going to run her again in 2012 anyway, but hopefully someone will be able to call her out as a posturing fraud by then.
My money’s on Letterman.
I am sitting in a hotel room in Vienna, starting into The Onion AV Club’s interview with John Hodgman, and I come across the following:
He’s also gained recognition as the PC in the “Get A Mac” commercial series with co-star Justin Long, contributed frequently to This American Life, and scored bit roles in the film Baby Mama and the upcoming season of Battlestar Galactica.
Now, I’m not asking for confirmation of Hodgman’s specific role in “BSG”, or whether he turns out to be the Final Cylon — though his serenity and faux pomposity would make him a perfect choice. I’m just trying to make sure I actually read those words in that order.
John Hodgman will be on “Battlestar Galactica” next season.
January can’t come soon enough …
Tina Fey’s awesomeness has gone global.
Over here in London, people who’ve never heard of “30 Rock” are talking about Fey in worshipful tones. Her encounter with the real Sarah Palin over the weekend is world news. And the Guardian ran a suitably loving profile of her in its G2 feature section today.
This has been said before, but it bears repeating: Americans really have no idea how they’re perceived beyond their own borders. Patton Oswalt was right: The country is like a giant, retarded trust-fund kid.
While the “real” Palin chirps loathsome rhetoric that divides her own nation into salt-of-the-earth small-town folks and phony metropolitan terrorist enablers and her running mate is shocked, shocked! to discover people think Barack Obama is “an arab” after a year-long Republican whisper campaign, everyone here is just hoping the world’s noisiest superpower can get its shit together in two weeks’ time.
It’d sure be nice, wouldn’t it? And if it doesn’t happen, there’s always the “Liz” scenario.