“Sometimes Terrible Things Happen Quite Naturally.”

Well, somebody was high, anyway… and sometimes they’re the product of sound corporate reasoning.

Bratz: The Movie“? Hey, the kids love the dolls, and the DVDs are selling well; let’s make a live-action brand extension that has absolutely no merit whatsoever beyond telling pre-teen girls that shopping — and only shopping — will define them as people! Too bad they couldn’t convince the stars to have their noses planed off; then this would have been a complete nightmare.

Underdog“? Hey, here’s a somewhat fondly remembered TV cartoon from the sixties; let’s
drain it of everything that people respond to, throw in Jim Belushi in a quasi-serious role and have the dog talk like Jason Lee! My kids love him in that show he’s on!

The sad thing is that there are some marvelous notions in “Underdog”, like Peter Dinklage’s John Malkovich impression as the nefarious Simon Bar-Sinister and Patrick Warburton playing a live-action version of the oblivious Kronk from “The Emperor’s New Groove” as his henchman, but they don’t go anywhere.

Tomorrow: “Daddy Day Camp”! Because obviously I’ve been enjoying the rest of my life far too much.