Yeah, they pay me $20 million for these, so what?Three films are opening this weekend that take place in France; another is set in salons and studios from Austria to England, and a fifth takes place in a maaaagical kingdom adjacent to an English village.

There’s also a couple of really crappy movies that were shot in Canada, so I guess it balances out. Once again, Australia gets no love at all. It’s really sad.

Klimt“: John Malkovich plays the notoriously contrary painter in Raul Ruiz’ stylized look at art and genius, which — as a character helpfully declares — is not a biopic, but an allegory. (Is there a term for this kind of movie? I propose “notabiography”.) I’m told this is a radically re-edited version of the film, but I can’t imagine the director’s cut makes that much more sense.

Molière“: I wasn’t aware that France was aching for a “Shakespeare in Love” clone to call its own, but here’s Francois Tirard to show his countrymen what they’ve been missing — an expensively realized but rather stiff notabiography that suggests the playwright lived “Tartuffe” a decade before he wrote it. And I think I’m officially over Romain Duris now.

“Rush Hour 3”: Chris Tucker and Jackie Chan reunite for a sequel of such incredible laziness that it makes “Rush Hour 2” look like “Rush Hour 1”. But the biggest tragedy of all is seeing Max von Sydow show up as a duplicitious French diplomat, right after all the coverage of Bergman’s passing made us remember how respected and intimidating he used to be. Look, the guy gets a comedy pass for Brewmeister Smith … but a Brett Ratner movie? It’s just sad.

Skinwalkers“: Good werewolves in a truck versus bad werewolves on motorcyles. I’d buy a ticket on the pitch alone … and I’d be sorely, sorely disappointed by this craptacular realization of that pitch, which features truly embarrassing effects from Stan Winston Studios and wastes a really strong Canadian cast. I mean, Elias Koteas and Wendy Crewson can so do better than this.

Stardust“: Matthew Vaughn, director of “Layer Cake”, would not have been my choice to direct a “Princess Bride” fairy-tale movie, but he makes some of it work very well. And then Robert De Niro shows up as this world’s version of the Dread Pirate Roberts, and the movie just goes fracking insane. Nice work from Michelle Pfeiffer and Ricky Gervais, though.

A Stone’s Throw“: Camelia Frieberg and Telefilm are probably planning to have my legs broken as you read this, but frankly, sometimes crap is crap and there’s no point in pretending it isn’t to spare anyone’s feelings. And this movie, my friends, is crap.

2 Days in Paris“: Julie Delpy gets her Linklater on as the writer, director and star of this amiable DV pas de deux, in which she and Adam Goldberg play a pair of squabbling neurotics who wander around the City of Lights at the tail end of a really bad vacation. I don’t think the ending works as well as Delpy wants it to, but otherwise it’s an engaging trifle.

More Europeana today, with a screening of “The Last Legion”. And then I’m having the bathtub recaulked. Variety is the spice of life, after all.