There are thirteen movies opening this week. Sheer insanity. And the Oscars are Sunday night, so that just complicates things even further. Let’s play the six-word game, just so this post isn’t sixteen hundred words long:

“Act of Valor“: Wow, I … I miss John Cena.

“Donovan’s Echo“: Danny Glover enters the Twilight Zone.

“Doppelganger Paul“: Two guys hit the existential road.

“The Flowers of War“: Batman and hookers save some children.

“Gone”:  No press screening for Seyfried’s thriller.

“Goon”: Stifler turns enforcer on the ice. [Rad]

“How to Die in Oregon”: Assisted suicide, as seen by documentarians.

“The Prodigies“:  Wait, what the hell just happened?

“Rampart”:  Oren Moverman takes Woody Harrelson dark. [Susan]

“Sholem Aleichem: Laughing in the Darkness”:  The great Yiddish writer, justly honored. [Susan]

“Snow“: Great performance; shame about everything else.

“Tyler Perry’s Good Deeds”: You couldn’t pay me to go.

“Wanderlust“: David Wain, you’ve done it again.

There, I think that’s everything. Oh, and keep an eye on my Twitter feed for Oscar-related media appearance news, and follow @nowfilm on Sunday night to see me live-tweeting the ceremonies with Susan.

Yeah, I kind of hate myself. Or I will, anyway.