The Weekly Load

Mel's gone crazy! Can you dig it?Friday means movies! December means Oscars! And Christmas family comedies with half of “The Daily Show” in them! (As soon as my Metro reviews go live, I’ll add the links.) UPDATE: Links finally live!

Apocalypto“: In which Mayans slaughter one another for Mel Gibson’s entertainment, and because they’re all heathens who’ve never accepted Christ as their savior, well, it doesn’t matter how horribly they suffer.

Blood Diamond“: In which, once again, white people look on unhappily as very bad things happen to black people. Also, Leonardo DiCaprio says “bra” at the end of every sentence, Jennifer Connelly literally phones in her big scene, and Edward Zwick spends a buttload of money on a movie designed to caution people about spending buttloads of money. On diamonds. It’s all so “Die Another Day”, you know?

The Holiday“: In which Nancy Meyers tries to convince me that Kate Winslet is a dumpy doormat, that Jack Black is unironically playing a romantic lead, and that Cameron Diaz can drink and drive and not remind me of “In Her Shoes”. This is one of those movies that ends with everybody dancing happily around the living room, and generally triggers my gag reflex every six or seven minutes.

Unaccompanied Minors“: “The Breakfast Club” meets “Home Alone” in this very broad comedy about kids running wild in a snowbound airport, and yet this is the most satisfying release of the week. Maybe it’s because it doesn’t pretend to be anything other than what it is, and still manages to cast an interesting person in every adult speaking part. Seriously. Sandra Tsing Loh turns up in a three-line bit. And any movie that reunites three of the five Kids in the Hall for a game of musical chairs is okay by me.

Six more days to the first TFCA ballot. Boy, I hope they screen “Night at the Museum” before our voting deadline …