Before anyone asks, yes, I did hear the news about Osama bin Laden, but I’m ambivalent about the whole revenge/gloating thing, and that discussion seems kinda heavy for this blog, don’t you think?

Let’s turn to the trivial, then: To the surprise of absolutely no one, “Fast Five” easily outdistanced its competition this weekend, grossing an impressive $83.6 million for the biggest opening of the year, and the biggest opening of the franchise.

I’m kind of amazed at the longevity of the series, frankly. It was never all that good, it’s shockingly resistant to logic and emotion, and the best installment is the one that breaks with the franchise completely and gives its sole returning character about eight seconds of screen time. (That’d be Part III, which features Lucas Black, is set in Tokyo, and has virtually zero connection to the first two films.)

But there’s an alchemy about it that appeals to mass audiences. They can’t be that expensive to produce — the cast certainly isn’t demanding huge salaries — and people like the cars. So you can expect we’ll be seeing “Faster & Furiouser” two Aprils hence, unless the predicted oil crash makes the whole thing pointless … but then they could just fold it into George Miller’s “Mad Max” reboot, thus satisfying everyone.

Come to think of it, Diesel already looks like he’s halfway to becoming the Humungous …