It’s a Bad, Bad, Bad Weekend

Dude, I was totally high when I signed on for thisThe last Friday in January means two things: First, all the Oscar bait rolls back into theatres — and yes, I know “The Departed” will be on DVD in a couple of weeks, but see it on a big screen if you can — and second, everything else that opens is going to be absolute crap.

To wit:

“Blood and Chocolate”: Agnes Bruckner, of “Blue Car” and “Dreamland”, demonstrates that even her considerable chops cannot make a stupid werewolf movie work if no one is trying to help her. Full review in Monday’s Metro; all you need to know is that it’s terrible, and silly, and terribly silly.

Catch and Release“: In which Jennifer Garner mopes, cries, bangs her dead fiance’s best friend, and learns to live with grief. Also, Susannah Grant demonstrates that she really, really shouldn’t be allowed to direct her own work. Dude, Kevin Smith was right there on the set! You couldn’t ask him for pointers?

Mount Pleasant“: If one tried to imagine a cynical attempt to fuse “Happiness” and “Crash”, one could probably imagine a movie considerably better than this dull cable drama about the miserable lives of three interconnected couples in the titular Vancouver neighborhood. Catch it on TMN, perhaps sooner than the filmmakers would like.

Smokin’ Aces“: In which Joe Carnahan demonstrates that he is not, in fact, the second coming of Guy Ritchie, though he really, really thinks he is. (Curiously, it also has the side benefit of making Tom Cruise look like a genius for waiting him out on “Mission: Impossible III”.) Points to Ben Affleck for never acknowledging the full idiocy of his moustache. Points off to Andy Garcia for somehow becoming Texan during his last big monologue.

No screenings of “Epic Movie” at all, but I’m catching it later this afternoon. I hope it’s funnier than “Date Movie”, is all I’m saying. But then, how could it not be? All it would take is one successful gag …

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