Thanks to a combination of factors both personal and professional, I’ve probably taken more airplane flights in the last twelve months than in all the previous years combined.

I’ve gone from being infuriated by inept security searches to passively submitting to them and being irritated by newbies who don’t seem to understand that one can no longer bring a bottle of water through the metal detectors.

It’s a pointless security measure, sure, but just try explaining that to the burly gentleman at the gate with the tenth-grade education whose job it is to intimidate travelers into giving up all those potentially dangerous fluids.

But today, the watchdogs at Crooks and Liars have found a suggestion of an even more imposing and unnecessary “security measure” for air travelers: Mandatory ID bracelets capable of delivering a paralyzing electrical shock on command. But don’t worry, they’ll only use them on bad people.

I can’t imagine this could possibly stick, but that’s what I thought about the gels-and-liquids ban. If this goes through, I’m swimming to Cannes next year.