It’s finally here: The 2009 Hot Docs festival kicks off tonight; pick up today’s NOW to see what I’ve been doing all month.

Or you can check it out online: Interviews with Jennifer Baichwal and Ron Mann, something like thirty reviews (viewable via the drop box on the right side of this page) and my cover story on “65_RedRoses”, a triumphant medical documentary that’s just about the best thing going at the festival.

Actually, if you’re able to pick up the physical paper, that’s the best way to appreciate the whole package; I’m really happy with the way everything came together, and I’m especially proud of that cover story. Check it out, won’t you? And then throw a few bucks at CF research, if you’re able.

The Onion A.V. Club posts this bit of inexplicable movie news: Ehren Kruger, screenwriter of “Arlington Road”, “Reindeer Games” and the impending “Transformers” sequel, is working on a remake of David Cronenberg’s “Videodrome”.

According to the announcement in Variety:

“The new picture will modernize the concept, infuse it with the possibilities of nano-technology and blow it up into a large-scale sci-fi action thriller.”

Doesn’t Cronenberg have the right to refuse this sort of thing? Could he at least try to short-circuit the project by demanding they cast Ashton Kutcher as Max Renn?

Damn, but I want to smack someone right now.

Who would have thought a “Fatal Attraction” knockoff would conquer the box-office this weekend? Certainly not Sony, which didn’t even screen “Obsessed” for critics or do much in the way of promoting it … but there it is at the top of the heap with a $28.5 million gross.

How little does Sony think of the film? They let somebody explain its success thusly:

“There’s something about wanting to see Beyonce kick butt. She’s taking on one wacked chick, played very well by Ali Larter,” said Rory Bruer, head of distribution for Sony. “Let’s face it, everyone loves Beyonce, and to see her in this role is a treat.”

Of course, by that logic, “Cadillac Records” would have been huge if they’d included a sequence where Etta James throws a piano at Leonard Chess’ wife. I smell remake!

And speaking of Beyonce, her “Dreamgirls” co-star Eddie Murphy has made the top of a chart, too — he’s the number-one example in The Onion A.V. Club’s new inventory, “23 People Who Immediately Followed Academy Award Wins or Nominations with Terrible Films“.

I do so love those guys.

I have to say, the marathon of spring festivals feels a lot like TIFF — there are fewer interviews, and I’m not seeing as many films theatrically, but that sense of a massive wall of obligations about to come crashing down on me at any moment? I’m so there.

So before I plunge back into the world of Hot Docs, here’s a rundown of this week’s theatrical releases …

“Earth”: Okay, it opened on Wednesday, but new is new. And more high-def nature footage from the “Planet Earth” people is always welcome … though it seems Disney felt it necessary to tone down that whole “red in tooth and claw” thing. Jason and Deirdre explain.

“Fighting”: Channing Tatum toughs up as a street-smart guy who, well, fights. A lot. Directed by Dito Monteil, who got great work from Tatum in “A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints” a few years back … but Andrew finds this project doesn’t offer him the same opportunities.

“Obsessed”: A whole bunch of TV faces — Idris Elba, Ali Larter, Jerry O’Connell — play out El Attraction Fatalico for the texting generation, or something. Apparently Beyonce plays the angry wife, but I swear I thought that was someone else in the trailer.

“Only“: Appropriately enough, Ingrid Veninger and Simon Reynolds’ delicate tale of one afternoon in the life of two isolated kids is playing just four days at the Royal Cinema, on an indie double-bill with “Production Office” (which Rad reviews here); if you have the chance, you should really catch it. It’s a fine, fine film.

“The Soloist“: Jamie Foxx gurns it up big-time as a schizophrenic virtuoso in Joe Wright’s big, button-pushing, fence-swinger at a movie — a film for people who thought “Shine” and “A Beautiful Mind” didn’t go big enough in elaborating upon the connection between genius and madness. Robert Downey, Jr. keeps his dignity, but doesn’t he always?

“Three Monkeys“: Opinions on Nuri Bilge Ceylan’s grim Turkish drama were split at Cannes, but I thought it was quite good — sure, it’s darker than his previous films, but that just means he’s making an effort not to make the same movie over and over again. And I think the darkness works for this particular film.

Right, that’s the blog done — now, back to the Wall of Reality!

The next few days are going to be a whirlwind of watching and writing, writing and watching. By my rough count, I’m down to review 34 movies at Hot Docs — that’s almost as many as I saw at Cannes last year. So you’ll forgive me if my posts seem somewhat hasty this weekend.

Anyway, here’s a quick festival preview, just to get you started. Don’t worry, the naked lady in tht one photo isn’t drowning … in fact, she’s kind of enjoying herself. And if you need a kitty chaser after that, just scroll all the way down to the bottom of the page.

You’re welcome.

Over at the Film Freak Central blog, Bill Chambers has posted a sneak peek of the ingenious cover art for the next FFC annual.

Due out in July, it’s to be a double-sized edition that will combine the site’s reviews from 2007 and 2008, with additional never-before-published stuff. I await it eagerly, and will let y’all know as soon as it becomes available for pre-order. Unless it already is, in which case I expect someone will provide that information in the comments.

Oh, and speaking of friends publishing, dig this: Gwen Hyman, co-author of the most nourishing “Urban Italian“, gets her first solo spine next month with “Making a Man“. Perhaps you might consider pre-ordering that as well.

It’s a smallish week for movie releases, providing a necessary breather for those of us trying to stay on top of everything — honestly, if there had been another ten openings this week, I suspect I might be on the top of a building with a rifle right now.

Lucky for everyone in my neighborhood, there were only five, and these are they:

“Crank: High Voltage”: It’s three months later, he’s not dead any more, and there are plenty of new people to kill. Also, Amy Smart is the best sport ever. Screened at the last possible minute, though I can’t imagine why.

“The Education of Charlie Banks“: Fred Durst’s directorial debut (yeah, “The Longshots” was released first, but produced after this one) explores the delicate relationship between a nervous preppie (Jesse Eisenberg, doing his Jesse Eisenberg thing) and the sociopath (Jason Ritter) who helps him learn about life. The “Raging Bull” poster in their dorm room? It’s a metaphor!

“17 Again”: Matthew Perry turns into Zac Efron, develops radically different bone structure, terrifies his family. I think. Rad liked it; Adam loathed it.

“State of Play”: Russell Crowe and Ben Affleck play a journalist and a politician with a thorny personal history in Kevin Macdonald’s Americanization of the acclaimed BBC miniseries; Adam found it well-meaning but sort of unnecessary.

“Sugar“: Anna Boden and Ryan Fleck’s excellent American baseball movie — which isn’t a baseball movie at all, when you get right down to it — deserves the largest audience it can possibly get. So, sure, let’s call it a baseball movie. Whatever sells tickets.

Right, that’s this week covered. Now, back to the screener pile …

If the movie section of this week’s NOW feels a little frenetic, what with all the film festivals and everything, just imagine what it was like to spend two weeks watching all those Sprockets and Toronto Jewish Film Festival entries, looking for the good stuff. Because there was plenty of stuff that was, shall we say, less good.

My picks for the TJFF were “The Debt” (which is the source of today’s image) and “Run For Your Life“; my Sprockets piece is here.

Also worth a read, in my humble estimation: My interview with Anna Boden and Ryan Fleck, whose “Sugar” is a major step forward for the duo after “Half Nelson”. Which was pretty good to begin with, mind you.

The weekend box-office is in, and it is more or less as expected: America embraced the Miley Montana movie and kept going to “Fast & Furious”, while not really knowing what to do about “Observe and Report”.

I don’t know what the fourth-place status of “O&R” will ultimately mean for Jody Hill’s directorial future, or Seth Rogen’s bankability  — not much, I’m thinking, since the disaster that was “Zack & Miri Make a Porno” was largely laughed off by all concerned not six months ago — but even if it isn’t topping the charts, the film has certainly grabbed hold of the critical conversation.

The House Next Door throws a link to Andrew Schenker’s consideration of the movie’s structure over at The Cine File, Tracy Clark-Flory offers a singularly uninformed take on something she didn’t like about the trailer at Salon’s Broadsheet blog and Slate’s Dana Stevens finds that the film just ain’t sitting right.

And in addition to an interview with Hill and Scott Tobias’ review, The Onion AV Club has posted a typically considered A.V. Talk, with its critics batting the movie back and forth in convenient podcast form. As always, don’t forget to read the comments — there’s some great stuff in there.

Obviously, nothing I can produce is going to be able to compete with the news that the U.S. government has finally declassified Area 51. (No aliens, though; the really cool secrets are probably tucked safely away in Area 52.)

But we can still have a little fun, as in today’s Sympatico/MSN gallery, which uses Seth Rogen’s bad behavior in “Observe and Report” to wonder what the world would be like if movie characters were held criminally accountable for their wacky on-screen antics.

Neil Patrick Harris is looking at a whole lot of community service, is all I’m saying …