One of the year’s worst films opens today. Also there are some other things happening. Movie magic!

Ecstasy: The producers of the latest Irvine Welsh adaptation — partially filmed in Ontario — have been trying to drum up interest in a theatrical release for more than a year. Rad finds out why. Poor Rad.

The Fruit Hunters: Yung Chang’s documentary shines a light on the secret culture of exotic fruit procurers. Sadly, Produce Pete Steve Carell is not among them.

Hitchcock: I can think of virtually no appropriate response to Sacha Gervasi’s wretched little satire about the making of Psycho beyond OH GOD OH CHRIST KILL IT IN THE HEAD. So let’s go with that.

Inch’Allah: Honestly, eOne’s been planning to release Anais Barbeau-Lavalette’s drama about a Canadian OB-GYN (Evelyne Brochu) working in the West Bank for several weeks now, so this isn’t quite as opportunistic as it may seem. And Jose says it’s all right.

Ping Pong: Hey, did you like Young @ Heart, that documentary about old people singing relatively current pop songs? Well, here’s a new documentary about old people … who stay young at heart … by playing ping pong! Rad was not impressed with this one, either.

And that’s the week in cinema. If I find out you went to see Hitchcock, I swear to you there will be no place on Earth that will shield you from my wrath. We have to smother this thing in the crib.