The Onion AV Club reports Uwe Boll has offered — threatened? — to stop making movies if one million people sign a petition begging him to find another medium to destroy.

At the time of this writing, there are 44,687 signatures.

I find myself strangely conflicted. I mean, sure, it’d be great if I never have to watch another “Bloodrayne” movie. But while Boll is a terrible, terrible filmmaker, his movies are an entertaining kind of ludicrous; I’ve come to anticipate each new work with a kind of cockeyed glee, and I can’t say that about most other bad directors.

And if nothing else, the guy knows marketing: This petition just happens to burst onto the internet a week before the DVD release of Boll’s “In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale“. Given Boll’s self-serving habit of turning brickbats into encouragement, and his generally upbeat sensibility, I would not be surprised to learn he started this himself.

Ah, Uwe. We would miss you if you went away.